americanfreepress.org©  in association with the Liberty Project© presents

Back to the ap    The ap archives     Contact the ap    ap Retractions    tha malcontent

 

malcontent random thoughts© - February 2008

 


 

02.29.2008 - Stiltz is 5... She can go to the Bar with us Next Year!

(ap) - So my lil sis-in-law is 5 Today... I Remember asking her when she was just 2 years over 1 if she was a Vegetarian.  Next year she's going to Belly-up to the Bar @ Clancy's and get Stoopid Drunk with me...  That's the Law.  Happy Hatchday, sis!

 


 

02.26.2008 - Mutant Giant Alien Carnies will Save the Planet!

(ap) - My Wife had a Dream... Last Night, to be Specific.

It was about Everything Hitting the Fan here on Earth, Economically, War, Disease, etc...

I was no Longer Employed @ my Office Professionally, instead I was Working at a Box Store like COSCO.

At least I was Employed!

Anyway, I Digress... She said it was at this Point that the Gubmn't let is on their Knowledge of Aliens... From Outer Space... Not the ones they have all but Ignored Crossing our Borders Illegally for Decades now.

I Digress again... Turns out that they are Giants... Like 60 Feet Tall Giants... And Carnies... Like Carnival People, not Art Carney's Family.

And again, I Digress... I asked her if they were Accidentally Stepping on us and Causing even more Chaos...

Luckily, they won't be... If her Dream is 100% True.

It Seems that they will Actually be the World's Saviors.

Anyway, we should Start Preparing now.

My Wife Rarely Remembers her Dreams with Such Clarity, and this one Seems like Prophecy to me.

Donations can be Made to our Church by Contacting me Directly online.

 


 

02.22.2008 - My Name's Paul, and I can't say "John Hancock", ya'all!

(ap) - I Worked with a Guy who Absolutely would not say, "John Hancock"...

He'd say, "Can I get your John Henry" instead.

I am Pretty Sure he Thought that John Hancock's Name Offended the Baby Jesus.

It doesn't.

 


 

02.21.2008 - The Capri... Endless Pockets of Change

 

(ap) - When I was a Boy my Parents took me to an Eatery that was in a Hotel off of 84th & I-25 in D-Town... It was called "The Capri" and was so 60's that it was Sad by the Mid-80's... But I Loved it. 

 

Every time we went when we were Done Eating Lunch, my Dad would pull out a Handful Quarters from what Seemed like a Bottomless Pocket of Change...  Then I would go Play Defender or Galaga until it was Time to Go...

 

In the Last Decade it had become a Weekly Rental Flophouse for Drug Addicts and one of those Scumbags Caused a Fire.  Later it was Demolished and Sportsman's Warehouse now Occupies the Land... It will Never be the same.

 


 

02.20.2008 - I have Done my Share of Mentally Abusing Cattle

 

(ap) - I have Stopped my Vehicle to get out and Taunt Cattle, Flipping them Off, and Calling them "Dinner" and Such...

Is it Wrong?... Maybe.

Is it Fun?... Definitely.

 

Am I the Only One?... You Know Better.

 


 

02.20.2008: Duct Tape Crimes

(ap) - I Worked with a Guy @ Capital Glass back in the Day who's Name was "Craig"... Skinny Bastard without even Trying... His Sidekick was a Shorter Guy who's Name was "Dave", but he Looked like a Male Tranny Version of Cindy Brady...

I called one "Jenny" and the other "Cindy".

We Duct Tapped "Cindy" to his Cot Camping once and put him in the River until he Woke from his Drunken Stooper.

Good Times.

 


 

02.19.2008: Where the Hell have Campy "B" Movies Gone?

(ap) - I Know I am not the only one Wondering why all we are getting is Retreads of Old Campy "B" Movies...

 

Is Hollywood that Corporate Controlled now?

 

Where are the "Warriors", the "Death Race 2000s" for this Generation?...

 

The only Thing we have Received that's even Close is Q's Adventures in Trying to Copy but Improve on them, and the last "Double Feature" he did was Contrived, at best, though more Entertaining than Most of what Hollywood's been Puttin' out.

 

It's gotten so Bad that Network Television can't even Think up New Crap for the Consuming Audience.

 

Knight Rider as a Mustang?... Correction, Knight Rider as and Hour-Long Ford Commercial.

 

I Never Thought I See the Day when I would Look back at the Original Knight Rider Nostalgically and Wonder what Happened to Good Old Fun TV, but Thanks to FoMoCo and NBC's Thirst for Revenue, I can!

 

And Val Kilmer... For Shame.

 

If they Remake "Miami Vice" for Television again, I'm Comin' outta the Booooooooooooooooth-ah!

 

What's Next?... "The A-Team 2012"?...  Mr. T's Grandson Leading a Band of Methed up Drifters in Souped up Foreign Cars Taking out Bad Guys who are just Slightly Worse than they are?...

 

Pure Crap, Hollywood!... PURE... CRAP!

 


 

02-17-2008 - Thomas the Tank Engine's "Friends" are Bitchy!

(ap) - I have a Toddler, so I have become Familiar with MANY Children's Programs, and I have Concluded that Trains and Tank Engines are Bitchy, Catty things...

"Quite Cross", Actually...

 


 

02.15.2008: I Seriously Regret not going to see Van Halen this Year.

(ap) - Probably only #2 to Turning down Tickets to Stevie Ray's Last Show in D-Town...

Damn.

I Bitched the ENTIRE Time it was Van Hagar or other than the Original...

Shame on me.

 

But then again... Shame on them!

 

On that same Tone, I DON'T Regret Missing "The Police"...

 

Seriously, People only Cared when it was Announced...

 

Started Bustin' out Old Ablum's... Yes, Ablums.

 

Nobody was Listening to The Police Except as Filler Music on Classic Rock Stations.

 

Admit it!

 


 

02.10.2008 - I Think Eddie Murphy's a Homosexual

(ap) - When we were kids, it was Richard Pryor and George Carlin, and then along came this New Young Black Comedian by the name of Eddie Murphy.

We had "Comedian", and I think we Wore that Tape out in our Boom Boxes.

Then it was Delirious on Cable... Every single time that was on, we Watched it.

Knew it all by Heart and we still to this day will Bust out with some on a Camping Trip.

Anyway, I Lost that "Comedian" Tape years ago and Decided I would look it up online and Order it again.

That's when I saw it...

The Original Cover, and the New, "Tougher" looking Cover.

 

 

Not enough?...

 

Two Words: Atisone Seiuli

 

Google it.

 

Sorry Eddie... It just don't Look right, Brotha!

 


 

02.07.2008 - I'm Writin' a Letter to the Yogurt Companies

 

(ap) - If one more of those Individual Cups Spits Yogurt at me when I open it's Silly Tinfoil Lid, I'm Suin' somebody!...  I am Absolutely Sure that these People are doing this on Purpose and have Giggle Fits in their Big Corporate Board Rooms over it... BASTARDS!

 

Every once and a while Fruit Cups do it, but not with the Regularity that Yogurt does, so the Fruit Cup People are in the Clear... FOR NOW!

 

And while we are Complaining about Food, is there a Better way to Package Bacon?...  I am all Kinds of Tired of the way it's Packaged now.

 

I don't Like the Pork Fat all over my hands, and once you've gotten to the Bacon you want, you can't Touch anything else or you will Infect Handles and everything else with the Nasty Bacteria that it's Plagued with.

 

Any Ideas?

 


 

02.06.2008 - I Swear I went to School with those Classmates.com People!

 

 

(ap) - Am I the only Person who sees those Annoying Banner Ads by Classmates.com and Thinks, "I went to School those People"?... Seriously, their Names are on the Tip of my Tongue!... Maybe it's just me.

 


 

02.05.2008 - Are Portable Toilets Causing Leukemia?

 

(ap) - I had the most Vivid Dream last night that Studies had been done Showing a Connection between the Regular Use of Portable Toilets and Leukemia.

 

Like many of my Dreams, I couldn't Distinguish if it was Real or not until after I had Woken.

 

I was watching a Cable News Station and they were showing Construction Sites and then Discussing the Abnormally High Rates of Leukemia amongst those Workers as Compared with those who did not use a Portable Toilet more than Occasionally.

 

There were Theories about the Combination of Human Waste, the Chemicals in the Toilets, and the Length of Time People were Spending in them when Using them...

 

Then they Showed an Organ that was not Specified that had been Affected by Leukemia and it was almost a Pale Green.

 

Of course, being who I am, I was Stressing that the Handful of Times I have Used one in my Life, that I could Possibly have put myself at Risk.

 

If I could Sell Tickets to my Dreams...

 



02.04.2008 - Each Decade's Word...

(ap) - In the 60's it was the "Bird":

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aIojsiyxZs8


In the 70's it was "Grease":


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aykipEINfzQ


Now the Problem is that the Movie Grease was Based in the Late 50's, so does "Grease" count for Two Decades?...


Then there is the Final Decade that I can Remember a Word for...

In the 80's it was "Up", or "Word Up":

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u_7Kp_TapA4


I just don't Remember Words for any other Decades...

Do you?

 

Then Click and > Contact the ap

 

I Need Songs like:

"The Bird is the Word"... 60's

"Grease is the Word"... 70's/Possibly 50's

"What's the Word?... Word Up!"... 80's

 

Just in case I wasn't Clear...

 


 

02.01.2008 - Future Bitch©

By tha malcontent
ap/afp Editor in Chief
Feb. 1 10:14 PM MST

 

(ap) - So in the Future, as I have Predicted, when we all have Contact Lenses that allow us to Know who we are Talking to, listen to Music, Surf the Web, Watch Movies, etc., etc...

We will have some Complaints...

Not just about that, but many things...

But about that...

Here's one...

"You're not paying Attention to me right now, are you?.. You're Watching a Movie, aren't you?"... - Future Bitch©

You're Welcome...

NEXT!


 

peace,

tha malcontent

 



 


(All commentary included on this website is the opinion of tha malcontent and is based in the Truth.  No Liberals, Marxists, Stalinists, Socialists, Communists or DemocRATS were harmed in the making of this website, I promise! -  tha malcontent)

 

Don't do what you're polled to do!© 

 

This web site is designed, maintained and edited by tha malcontent...

 

 "what have you done for Liberty today?"

 

associalisticpress.com© is protected speech pursuant to the First Amendment to the Constitution of the United States and is faithfully enforced by tha malcontent via the Second Amendment to that same Constitution. Any reproduction or redistribution of this article will be seen as an awakening of a Patriot in this Great Republic by tha malcontent, and subsequently applauded! 

Copyright © 1994-2008 associalisticpress.com© /americanfreepress.org© - All rights reserved.

 

associalisticpress.com/tha malcontent©

an americanfreepress© organization 1994-2008

tha malcontent... The Original Gangster of the Pajamahidin

 

The ap©  & The afp©

 

- the Liberty Project© -

 

'Si vis pacem Para Bellum'

 

Back to the ap    The ap archives     Contact the ap    ap Retractions    tha malcontent