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malcontent random thoughts� - January 2008

 

 

01.29.2008 - Boardin' with Rambo�, SpongeBob� and an Air Compressor
 

By tha malcontent
ap/afp Editor in Chief Jan. 29 02:50 PM MST

 

(ap) - I had a Dream last night about me Boardin' and Workin' Fat Moves outside of this Building, and out of the Corner of my Eye there was this Guy using some Homemade Compressed Air Contraption to Torture People with...

He was Blowing their Heads up like Balloons until they almost Explode, and then as they Deflated, their Pores Bleed Out...

Sick thing is, it didn't Kill them...

It did Appear to be Indescribably Painful, and they Probably Wished they had been Killed.

I Blame this Dream on my Need to Board more, the Movie Rambo� and SpongeBob SquarePants�.

I'm Suing (2) of the (3)...

 

 

01.26.2008 - Covers I'd Like to See
 

By tha malcontent
ap/afp Editor in Chief Jan. 26 08:20 AM MST

 

(ap) - Just once I'd like to see Cannibal Corpse do Rick Springfield's "Jessie's Girl", and then follow that up with Boy George's "Karma Chameleon"...

The Reaction of the Crowd would be Priceless... See, you Think they would be Pissed, but in Fact, they would Mosh to it because they Probably wouldn't even Realize that in the Cannibal Corpse Versions, that they were Hearing either of those Songs.

Later I would Dedicate a MySpace Page to how Gay Cannibal Corpse Fans were and Loop the Video of it for all the World to see...

Then Maybe they'd Feed on themselves, and Hopefully I'd get Video of that too.

Rinse and Repeat.

Right after that, I want Boris Karloff Exhumed and I want him to Sing the Man in Black's "I Walk the Line".

You Know EXACTLY what I'm Talkin' bout... Don't Lie.
 

 

01.18.2008 - Rest in Peace, Master Fischer... You Crazy Old Bastard!

 

Gangsta Chess
 

By tha malcontent
ap/afp Editor in Chief Jan. 18 10:53 AM MST


(ap) -In Honor of one of the Greats and his Passing, I Thought I'd Share a Story about Chess with ya'all.

About 16 or 17 years ago I Worked in Downtown Denver @ my First Drafting Job.

I was a Shift Trainer and Worked all (3) Shifts during my 1+ year at this Company... Yeah, (3) Shifts... It was a Sweat Shop.

Anyway, one of my Mentors in Life was my Supervisor on Nights and he did something that I am Sure Changed many a Life on that Shift.

We were all a Gaggle of Wet Behind the Ears just out of, or still in School Pukes, with the Exception of a Few, and he Noticed that we were "Wasting" our Time at Break.

At First, I didn't get it... It's Break, why would you want to do anything?

Then he Introduced us to Chess like we hadn't Known it before, and Most of has Played and had at least some Skills.

What Followed was a Learning and Growing Experience for Most of us, and it's for that Reason that I Feel that Chess should be Required and Ongoing Learning in School.

It Assisted in Mental and Social Development, even for some of the Older Adults on that Shift, and you could see it as it Progressed.

 

As for Planning and Anticipating, something that is Key in Life, I Know of no other Way that is Better to Train your Brain.

Anyway, after some Time Passed we had Break down to a Science and we'd have Tournaments that went on for Days, Primarily because you didn't always Finish a Game @ Break, and Speed wasn't always the Goal.

One Time I played the "Savant" for USGS Mapping and he was Considered "The Master" at this Facility.

Enter "Gangsta Chess"...

We had no Rules Aside from nothing Physical and the Standard Rules of the Game Regarding Movements and Turn, so you could Taunt your Opponent during the Tourney...

Needless to say, as those of you who Know and Love, or Hate my Style, I Beat the Savant...

 

A lot of, "You Certain you want to do that"?'s...

He Tossed the Table and Walked his Chimp Ass back to the other Side of the Building in Disgrace.

I would've like to have Witnessed my Mentor Play Seriously, but we never got to.

He could Beat any of us without Trying, but I would've Enjoyed Seeing him Challenged.

He was a Major Influence in a Lot of Lives on that Shift, and I Hope he Knows that.

I haven't Talked to him in a Decade and the Last I Heard he was on the East Coast again.

Take Care, Nate.

 

 

01.17.2008 - Time to Grow Up Kids!...
 

By tha malcontent
ap/afp Editor in Chief Jan. 17 7:47 PM MST

 

(ap) - It is my Firm Belief that MANY of those who have Obsessed on how bad this Economy is for the last 7 years of Expansion, and done so Online like they are somehow Mystically Crashing the System for everyone else, are Bitter, Undereducated IT/NT Certificate Holders who Liked it better when they had ZERO Real World Experience, yet could walk into a Company and Demand a Singing Bonus, a Car, 3 Weeks Vacation and Time to Play Pool in the Company Lounge when they Felt the Need to just before that Irrationally Exuberant Bubble Burst and Brought them back to Reality...

Reality Sucks kids... Get a Job.

Oh how I Loved seeing their Humbled "Resumes" rolling across my Fax in 2001 and on...

Sorry... No Openings, even for Humbled by Reality Re-Applicants.

Seriously, your Parents want to Retire and your 3 Networked Systems in the Basement Constantly going with Political Chat, Porn and World of Warcraft are Running up their Electric Bill...

And it's Peak Season, Damn it!...

Get a Move on!

And from now on, buy your own Energy Drynks and Vodka!... It Really is Time your Mother stopped going to the LQ for you!
 

 

01.15.2008 - Don't Plagiarize Dr. Seuss!
 

By tha malcontent
ap/afp Editor in Chief Jan. 15,  8:11 PM MST


(ap) - So I'm Readin' Dr. Seuss to my Daughter just a bit ago, and as I get to, "Yes. Some are red. And some are blue. Some are old. Some are new." on on Page 5 of his Classic, "One fish, two fish, red fish, blue fish", I Realized something...

That sounds Curiously Similar to another Children's Book I Read my 2 year old...

Then I Realized it...

That Bitch Sandra Boynton Plagiarized Seuss in her "Pajama Time" Book on Page 5... Page ****ing 5 of all places!...

Here it is: "Now, some are old and some are new..." Then to Page 6: "...Some are red and some are blue"...

What a Whore!... And Dr. Seuss of all People!  Did she Think she would get away with this!...

Blasphemy!...

I'm Contacting Workman Publishing in the Morning...

She should be Flogged and then Fired for this Atrocity!

Good Evening.

 

 

01.05.2008: I Love the Taco Bell... Always have...

 

By tha malcontent
ap/afp Editor in Chief Jan. 5,  11:48 AM MST

 

(ap) - I Admit it.

I could Eat Taco Bell at Lunch every single Damned Day of the Week.

I can Eat it anytime it's Offered, unless I am Full from already Eating...

But even then, I'd Probably not Pass down a Hard Shell Taco Supreme.

I have been Eating that Crap since the Early 80's, but more so in Junior High and High School in the Mid to Late 80's.

There were Frydays where we would Eat it for Lunch, then go after School, and then end up there Post House Party @ 1 in the AM...

Damn you Taco Bell... Damn you.

And Yes... I am Eating Taco Bell right now.


 

peace,

tha malcontent

 


 


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