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malcontent random thoughts� - March 2009

03.31.2009: Barbeau Love Gone Wrong

(ap) - I'd be Lying if I didn't Think to myself when I was Kid and saw her in this Scene from Escape from New York...

"Her Body's still Warm"...

Admit it, you Thought it too!

03.30.2009: Imagine all the Advertising...

(ap) - ...can get you out of Debt Faster than you could've EVER Imagined?...

Without Question, the Most Reckless Promise in Advertising on the Air.

I don't Know about you, but I gots one Hell of an Imagination.

Why, I could Imagine being out of Debt... Today.

Can they make that happen?

MeThinks they have to, don't they?

Actually, they would have to get me out of Debt Faster than Today, because that was only how Fast I Imagined it could happen.

03.29.2009: The Drag Queening of Rap

(ap) - The 1970's Era Joe Walsh Robotic Voice Synthesizing was Gay when Cher was doing it in the Late 90's for Drag Queens AFTER 2Pac had done it Years Earlier...

It's Extra-Gay that the Rap/Hip-Hop World is doing it Obsessively in 2008/2009, 10 Years AFTER Cher was Bitin' 2Pac, who was Bitin' Joe Walsh and Peter Frampton...

Every other Rap/Hip-Hop Song on the Radio is Using it or some Form of it...

Call it Synthesizing, Talk Boxing or Pitch Correction...

Every other Song on the Radio should NOT be using it.

Rap is going to be Disco Dead soon if this keeps up.

03.28.2009: The Best thing to happen to Traffic since... EVER!...

(ap) - More and More of the old walk, don't walk lights @ Intersections are being Changed to the ones with Timers...

Holy Crap, that Assists me in Deciding to Bury it, or Slow Down!

It's like my own little Challenge to get to the Finish Line, or Throw in the Towel!

Thank you Traffic Gods...

Now, can you do something about People ****-Blocking the Fast Lane?...

Self-Appointed Traffic Regulators are almost as Bad as Child Molesters, and should be Punished to the Fullest Extent of the Law.

That is all.

03.27.2009: Sickness... As Defined by a Toddler.

(ap) - I have a Tummy Ache in my Nose...

03.20.2009: Ghetto Air Conditioning

(ap) - Whatever the Gubmn't Sprays into the Hood at Night... to Kill Off the Dark People, must've Kicked my Ass last night...

We had our Bedroom Windows open and I Swear to God this must be what a Crack Hangover Feels like.

03.19.2009: My Long Hair just can't Cover up my Redneck

(ap) - David Allan Coe... The Ride... Is that where the 80's Band Mister Mister got their Name?

03.18.2009: A Prefix can Change EVERYTHING...

(ap) - Unisex... Kinda Kinky... Unibrow... Not Kinky at all.

03.17.2009: I am not Pro-Cuban for Enjoying Desi Arnez

(ap) - But I am for going down there with an "Operation Cuban Freedom" and turning that place back into the Island Vegas it once was, and doing so NOW!

03.14.2009: Can you take me a bath now?...

(ap) - How my Angel asks for a Bath...

03.13.2009 C: Bitin' what he's Writin'

(ap) - The Best Evidence that Dennis Leary's Career is Over... When he Announces that he is going on a National Stand-up Tour... Only Question is, since Bill Hicks is Dead, who is Leary going to Rip Off on his New Tour?...

03.13.2009 B: Womanly Side

(ap) - Whenever I am trying to get in Touch with how Women Feel, I put in Stevie Nicks' "Bella Donna"... I make it to about "Think About It" and then begin Gouging my Eyes out of my Skull with whatever Object, Tool or Utensil that is Near... I have to Assume that this is what Menstrual Cramps must be like.

03.13.2009 A: Orange Crush: Boney Ginger Love

(ap) - I don't Know what in the Hell is up with my Crush on Nicole Kidman, but I can't stop Falling in Love with that Irish Bean Pole...

I don't Find her Particularly Attractive at all, basically because I don't want to Catch Redhead from her, with all the Rashy, Freckly skin and such, coupled with the lack of Crisco in the Can, but in Movies like Moulin Rouge and Cold Mountain, I would Kill for her...

Soulless Redheaded Irish WHORE!... Why do you Tease me!?!

03.12.2009 II: The Neighbors sound like they have a Bar in their Unit!

(ap) - Know one thing for sure, I wouldn't Purchase Unit 4109 @ the Spire here in D-Town...

I don't Know what time they plan on Closing the "Sky Club", but the Fact that it would ever be Open would steer me clear of that Living Arrangement.

03.12.2009 I: Big Ass Biscuit... Literally.

(ap) - I ain't eatin' nothin' I can't Fry�... And you can take that **** to the *** **** Bank.

03.11.2009: When Ruby Tuesday's goes under...

(ap) - It's going to be because their Service Sucks, coupled with the Fact their Food is Overpriced and Average at Best.

You heard it here First.

There is a Reason why the Texas Roadhouse's near the Ruby Tuesday's are still PACKED at 9:30 at Night and Toosdey's ain't.

03.10.2009: Holly Hobbie: Original Anorexic

(ap) - Sorry, but Holly Hobbie is the root cause of Anorexia in America, and possibly the World... Don't believe me?... See for yourself:

Seriously, I am Surprised the weight of her clothes doesn't drop her boney ass... Eat a ****in' Sandwich already, Holly!

03.03.2009: Eye Socket Bottle Rocket

(ap) - So the other Night I had a Dream that I was being Tortured for Info by some Terrorists or something...

They took a Bottle and Pushed it into my eye... Opening first... It was about to Pop my Eye into the Bottle...

Hurt like Hell...I Woke when they Pushed the Bottle into my Skull via my Eye Socket.

I Gotta lay off the Crack Rock.

03.01.2009: The OLivia Newton-John Word

(ap) - Seriously, am I the only Person who thought Olivia Newton-John had a Lesbian Phase in the 80's?... I am Pleased to Know she is Not now, cause she's a Smokin' HOT GMILF, but I am Sure it was the Word back in the Post Grease Days.

peace,

tha malcontent

(All commentary included on this website is the opinion of tha malcontent and is based in the Truth. No Liberals, Marxists, Stalinists, Socialists, Communists or DemocRATS were harmed in the making of this website, I promise! - tha malcontent)

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