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malcontent random thoughts� - May 2009

05.28.2009: Soap is NOT Lotion!... It's ****ing Soap already!

(ap) - What in the **** has Happened to the Old Orange Death, Basic ****ing Dial Soap?...

Everything @ Costco has Lotion or Vaseline or Aloe in it...

What the ****!?!?...

I Need some ****in' Regular Soap.

Some Parts of my Body don't like being Washed with Lotion, ya Know!

05.21.2009: I Know I am NOT the only one who Thinks Hef is Dead...

(ap) - I've been gettin' Playboy since I was a Lad, and in the last few years, Hef is looking more and more like Bernie from "Weekend @ Bernie's" every time I see him in his Mansion Section with the Celebs in this Magazine... Looks just like the pic above, just different Has-beens Propping his Old Ass up. It might be time to call it Quits, Brotha... I'm just sayin'! Somewhere Jon Lovitz is screaming, "Noooooooooooo!"...

05.05.2009: Now I Know what 'Til Tuesday" meant!...

(ap) - It meant that when you Tie One On on Saturday, Voices will Carry all of the way 'Til Tuesday!... Which is Precisely what happened after one of my Fortunes below came True on Saturday! Needless to say, my Cell Phone was in the Washing Machine while my Drynking Buddy and his Wife were trying to Contact me because his Wallet came out in the back of our Mini-Van when my Wife was Taking us from the Bar... How did my Cell Phone get into the Washing Machine?... The World may never Know.

05.01.2009: Fortune Cookie, or Revelation Cookie?

(ap) - Last evening I was out with my Family tempting Fate by eating at our Favorite Chinese Eatery where we are Served by the Chinese, but our Food is Prepared by Mexican Nationals... Considering the current Hysteria about the Pig Shit Flu, read this:

Fortune Cookie Fortune: Delay is the deadliest form of denial.

Chinese Word to Learn on other side: Pork.

^But that's NOT all!...

2nd Fortune Cookie Fortune: It's not the years of your life, but the life in your years that count.

Chinese Word to Learn on other side: Drink.

So I must conclude that the first was a Warning to the CDC and WHO, and the second was a Suggestion that I tie one on...

OK then.

peace,

tha malcontent

(All commentary included on this website is the opinion of tha malcontent and is based in the Truth. No Liberals, Marxists, Stalinists, Socialists, Communists or DemocRATS were harmed in the making of this website, I promise! - tha malcontent)

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